meaningful CIP and other stuff

i went for a very meaningful CIP at YMCA today =) i wasn't supposed to go for it, but lack of manpower, so i went =) God is simply amazing. haha

CIP at YMCA was interesting. they helped the needy, as most organisations do, and today, i played a part in it =) it was "shopping" day today, and the needy, handicapped, jobless, single elderly came with coupons and all, with us leading them around the store with a trolley, counting the number of items they had cos they were only entitled to 22 items each. i was shocked to find out that there were so many in Singapore who were so unfortunate and poor such that they can't even support and feed themselves. it's really sad, and i wonder whether they knew that out there, there's a God who loves them and cares for them. it was weird working close with strangers and yet, when i found out that the YMCA gathered the elderly every Friday to have lunch and fellowship with them just so they can get to know Jesus, i was touched and i wanted to help out at the place more. but u see, work well with animals. not human beings. that includes youths my age, kids, babies, adults and elderly. worst of all are the kids and elderly. i think i'll just die trying to interact with them. it's weird that deep inside me there's this longing to help them and get them to know Christ. hmmm
things got even weirder, cos after that i kept wanting to help people. it's strange. like when i first went to YMCA the guy was like rearranging things so we could have more space to sit and there i sat, staring, until he completed arranging then i realised why din i help that poor guy?!?!?! at the bus interchange, someone dropped her ez-link card and i picked it up for her, and the weirdest part is this. i saw this family carrying loads of groceries onto the bus i was boarding, and i was so tempted to just walk up to them and offer to carry the stuff. it's weird. i never felt so helpful in my whole entire life. SERIOUSLY.
yf was damn fun today and i regretted not asking any brudda down..then again, they are all busy with *** ah wellz. cg time was extraaa long too, but at least we were right on topic without trying to, cos we always talk about it every session. rather..not we, but amy..haha bgr isn't exactly the everyday topic in my life. in fact, it's not even in my life :S but it left me wondering whether i'm a bi or a norm. i'm very confused. but it's ok. i dun think i plan to engage with any serious relationship apart from God. there's no suitable candidates anyawy. haha. maybe i plan to stay single or smth or maybe smth's wrong with my hormones. bah...heck la. i can't be bothered with guys now. they act so immature at this age. cannot take it man.
hmmm...next week's bound to be more exciting. yay. can't wait. =)
i've been having weird dreams. maybe it's reflecting my inner thoughts. i had another one of those "oh my family hates me" dream. it's terrible. i dreamt that my mum got pregnant...again. YES. that's already a nightmare for me. and my grandma came to get me out of hse to go visit her in hospital cos she was about to give birth. oh the horrors of another sibling. i dunno what happened before that, but i hated my mum for having an extra "jonathan" (as if one annoying twit is not enuff) and i was terribly annoyed at having to waste time looking at her being bloated like a watermelon and next thing i know i'll be looking at a real ugly alien baby. YUCK. i hate babies. i dun think i ever want to have sex just to be safe. i can;t even imagine seeing the thing. YUCK. ANYWAYYYY..back to the dream. grandma dragged me all the way down to the hospital/clinic place with my two brothers and there was this big glass window separating the two rooms. one-the one we were in, and two-the ones where alot of other pregnant watermelons were lying on beds. i rolled my eyes and walked away and jonathan made a loud noise la. then grandma thought it was me..so she scolded me for being insensible and all that got attitude problem etc and i just got really mad la. cos i din make a single sound at all and there i was, getting shit ass scolding with that ass standing next to her so protected and all grinning away at him. STAB HIM la. so i was damn pissed so i ran away la. and i went to this coffeeshop to eat some claypot thing. then i started walking to like this cny market place. the weird part is that in another dream, kelvin brought me there la, and it was exactly the same. ANYWAY...i was there eating the cny goodies that were samples there la cos i had no $$ with me anymore. i ate till i got chased out and i just wandered around the place for a few days, living on the leftovers of people at the coffeeshop until one day i realised that if i kept the claypot store stuff and washed it for them i'll earn some money. so i would be like fighting with the cleaners and all for that stupid claypot just so i can earn. then one day while i was about to wash the stuff stuff i saw amy and the the cg. and they were all staring at me with so much concern i felt so ashamed so i ran further down and i ended up at some competition ground. like FRS kind, with the goggles and all. plans etc. but no one was there. on my way there, i met my cg la. i only remember amy being there the clearest, and i could sense concern from her. it's weird. i dun even noe her well. hah. knowing that they'll prob tell my parents where i am and help them find me i went to hid and i started tidying up the frs place. worried that things might break etc. then i saw them coming in for me and i ran out the back door across the road and hid among bushes. then my stupid alarm clock rang. blardy hell. the thing was so exciting can. but i always get such dreams.
parent made me angry, run away from home, play hide and seek with them. it's been like that since young. i get repeated dreams. and it's all scary. it's always that, or someone in the family die..i'm so morbid..yeeer..yawn. tired. it's time for another exciting dreammm..

glory showed her greymatter at 9:54 p.m. on 2005-03-05.

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